Trail of thoughts

P.M.S.

2012-01-31T17:28:00.001+08:00

I'm going through my monthly PMS phase which I now fondly call Premeditated Schizophrenia due to the fact that
i) my cycle is most times regular (thank God) and I know it's coming when I start getting all worked up over small things hence "premeditated"
ii) My emotions shift from high to low in a matter of seconds as if you're riding a roller-coaster and I can be such a pretentious angel on the outside but a monster on the inside hence "schizophrenia"

*Grin*...i know, it's a bit exaggerated :P, but seriously...it's not easy dealing with raging hormones + emotions gone crazy so it is kinda like premeditated schizophrenia to me :D

Anyway, below I share with you some other names used to refer to PMS which I found on the net. It's really hilarious.

1. Pass My Shotgun
2. Psychotic Mood Shift
3. Perpetual Munching Spree
4. Puffy Mid-Section
5. Pimples May Surface
6. Provide Me with Sweets
7. People Make me Sick
8. Pardon My Sobbing
9. Pass My Sweatpants
10. Pissy Mood Syndrome
11. Plainly; Men Suck
12. Pack My Stuff
13. Potential Murder Suspect

LOL!! I sooo can relate to numbers 1, 2, 3, 7, 8, 10, and 11, but I definitely like number 13 most hehehe.

*Sigh* laugh as we want but it is something that most women have to deal with on a monthly basis and I tell you, it's not easy at times, OK. Still, I consider it as one of God's gift which makes us women special compared to men... It's part of the process that enables us to conceive and become mothers :)

So, hang in there ladies, me especially :P and I say "Power to all you beautiful and strong women out there". Yieehawww!!!!

Hanyasayang: For those who seriously don't know what PMS is, it stands for Premenstrual Stress :D

Obstacles

2012-01-22T12:28:00.000+08:00

"When God closes a door, somewhere He opens a window." - Maria, The Sound of Music

I first heard this phrase in one of my favourite movies of all time, “The Sound of Music” and since then, it has stuck to my mind and seeped into my heart. Whenever things get tough, I’ll always tell myself...No matter how tight a fix you’re in, there is always a way out. When everything looks so bleak and hopeless, there is a way out even if it is a minuscule opening...it’s still a way out.

The question is, how and where to find it?

Well, searching for it works and asking for other people to help with it works too...but in my humble opinion, in addition to searching and asking others, the best place to start searching and asking is to Allah. The fact of the matter is, whatever happens to us or whatever obstacles we stumble upon our path, it only happens at His will and it only happens as part of His test on us.

He tests us to see where do we place Him in our hearts? If He is what crosses our minds whenever anything happens, be it a sad or joyful event, then we will definitely be first in His list whenever we seek Him and need Him. Nevertheless, if it is others that we seek and rely on in our lives, then how much do you think we will mean to Him when we are called upon on judgment day.
In this life, nothing ever happens without His will and everything, definitely happens for a reason. So, it is always best to remember these three phrases which when recited, sure feels like a heavy burden has been lifted from your shoulders and you are not alone.

"HasbunAllahu wa ni'mal wakeel” - Meaning: “Allah (Alone) is Sufficient for us, and He is the Best Disposer of affairs (for us).” (3:173)

“La haula wala quwwata illa billah" - Meaning: “There is no power and strength except with Allah Subhanahu wa Ta’ala”

“Inna lillahiwa inna ilai hirajiun” - Meaning: “Surely we belong to Allah and to Him shall we return.” (2:156)

Remember, Allah is always with those who always remember Him in all aspects of his/her life :)

Allah hafiz...

* Obstacles are just stepping stones for those who are strong and persevere to leap higher*

Taking a break....

2011-07-21T15:15:00.001+08:00

I have decided to take an indefinite break from blogging.
Maybe I'll come back...maybe I wont.
Maybe I'll return to write here...maybe I'll start new somewhere else. I'm not sure...

Anyway...wishing everyone the best in life & take care :)

Email Advice

2011-07-06T15:06:00.001+08:00

Yesterday I received this email from a dear friend. She's younger than me but was a senior during my Masters programme

Below is an excerpt of the email.

Salam kak A**h.
Why do i feel this way? Suddenly I feel I want to grow up. Have I been so childish before?

And to the email I responded

Dearest L**i*, Wa'alaikumussalam wr wb.

:)...the feeling is seasonal my dear. Sometimes you feel young and vibrant and ready to conquer the world...but other times you feel so tired, fed-up and done with everything that all you want to do is to just sit at a corner and shrivel up on your own. Well...if this is not how you feel...than maybe it's just me hehehe.

It's not easy to change ourselves and there is a high probability that you can't force it either. If you feel like you want to 'mature', let it happen gradually with the realization that the maturing process needs to happen and you are doing it for the right reasons. Don't change for the wrong reasons and DEFINITELY don't change for someone. Nevertheless, keep a little bit of that childish nature cause believe it or not, it makes life more colourful and interesting :). And old gal/guy, makes a boring companion so...laugh a little, cry a little, be an old grump a little and be an inquisitive child a little....hope fully the balance will keep us sane on the long run.

Honestly L**i*, I haven't quite figured out myself or my life also and I am going through some really tough times at this moment. But what I do is...I cry my heart out to God, sob as much as I want, tell Him how much it hurts and how I don't think I can handle it anymore and then when the emotions slowly subside or when there are no more tears to cry (and sometimes when I feel like i'm going to puke if I continue crying), I just recite "Inna lillahi wa inna ilaihi raji'un" many times and reassure myself that "From Him all came and to Him all shall return". When He takes something from you or you let go of something for Him, have faith and trust in Him that He'll replace it with something better in return, InsyaAllah. That usually calms me down and puts my heart at ease.

Hang in there, sis. Life indeed is a roller coaster and sometimes it makes you wanna puke. But if you learn to enjoy it and just go with the flow...even if you do puke, it was worth the while. LOL!!

When I read back the email, I realized that I was mainly reflecting on my own life and how I handle things. I had no idea whether what I said would be really relevant to her situation but I just conveyed what I felt sincerely with the hopes that it could somehow ease her emotional stress. She did reply me back some time after and alhamdulillah, I'm glad that somehow my ramblings made sense to her and she felt better.

Honestly, I'm no expert in life nor am I a qualified psychologist but I do know that life is something that has to be lived forward but learned backwards. Once you've gone through an experience, only then you'll learn your lesson. So, IMHO, the best advice is advice based on experience and the best way to receive advice is to not swallow it whole but to dissect it into smaller pieces and take the ones you deem best suited to your taste-buds :)

HS: Supports experiential learning *two-thumbs up*

Birthday

2011-07-02T08:28:00.000+08:00

Yesterday, at 1:45pm, based on the Gregorian calender, I officially turned 33 :). Last Monday, also at 1:45pm, based on the Hijri calender, I turned 35 :). Wow!!! Tua ek? Hehehe

I always tell people, not to worry about their age. After all, it is only a number right? But now that it's my turn, I have to admit that although the digits still don't quite mean that much since in my heart I've always believed that I'm 20 :P, it's how I spent the years gone by that bothers me.

In retrospect, I am happy that with Allah's blessing, I've managed to accomplish most of what I've set my mind to and overcome most of the obstacles that has come my way. Nevertheless, despite that, deep down in my heart I know and acknowledge that I have so many weaknesses that needs improving and other more noble causes that I can contribute too. Apart from that, I also realize that I deserve and should treat myself with more respect and honour. I know now, in order for people to treat me well, I need to start by treating myself well.

Anyway, that aside, I am truly grateful for the years that Allah has given me. I am also happy and thankful for the meaningful birthday wishes and the small celebration I had with my brother, sis-in-law (whose birthday is today :)) and my nephews. A friend from facebook did ask why my birthday was not listed and to that I answered, the wishes would be more genuine and meaningful if it came with remembrance of me and not just because it was mentioned on facebook :).

HS: Older and hopefully wiser.

Habits...

2011-06-20T08:58:00.000+08:00

*Sigh*

Last week was a busy week for me...and I have a feeling...no, I'm sure, this week will be the same. Not that I'm complaining because rather than stay static, I prefer having things to do but what bothers me is that I can't seem to do anything after Maghrib/when I'm at home. Everything just shuts down and all I wanna do is to just watch TV/Korean series/surf the net/let all of the above watch me (sleep while doing one of the three :P). Although that hardly happens since I've been having symptoms of insomnia (can't sleep regardless of how tired I feel), occasionally...I doze off and after 20-30 minutes, I wake up and then have trouble sleeping again sometimes till 3-4am. That is what I'm 'sigh'ing about actually. My hay-wired schedule.

I know I have to do something about it but there's just too many things on my mind right now. People say everything can be solved by finding the solution for the thing that bothers you the most but in my case...I don't think it's quite that simple. Tell me, how do you outgrow a habit? Everyone knows that old habits die hard but they can die, can't they? Now, how do you kill it? Be it an act, a person, a routine, an addiction...how do you stop/walk away from it without causing unnecessary inconvenience/heartache to yourself? Well, if you have the answer, please share it with me. Maybe if there is a logical solution, I might try it out. For now, I guess I just have to be patient and endure it.

HS: Loves the simple life but sometimes, life has its own way of making things complicated.

When life gives you......

2011-06-13T15:50:00.000+08:00

"When life gives you lemons, make lemonade" Dale Carnegie

This is a popular quote from an American writer, lecturer and famous developer of courses in self-improvement, salesmanship, corporate training, public speaking, and interpersonal skills (Wikipedia, 2011). You can Google him up for further info. I also read somewhere that this saying also appeared in "Dilbert", Scott Adams' popular comic strip which is featured in The Star's In-Tech section on Tuesdays and Thursdays.

Anyway, literally the saying means that when life gives us sour lemons, we should make sweet lemonades out of it. So when referred to real life happenings, it translates to no matter what happens in life, we should always make the best of the situation.

A very motivational saying indeed but staying true to myself, I'd like to improvise and change the saying a little bit. No!!!.. Not ruin it...just modify it to suit the Malaysian context or at least my context :D. Anyway...I think next time if things don't quite go the way I wanted them too, instead of repeating to myself the first saying, I'd say, "When life gives you coconuts, let's make kelapa jelly, pengat, cendol, badak berendam, curry, rendang tok, pulut, and the list goes on etc, etc, etc....". *Yummy, yummy!!!*

Opsss...Errr...I totally ruined it, didn't I? Hehehehe. Pffftttt :P, "Whateverrr" LOL

HS: And my mind starts indulging on how great it would be if I could get my hands and my mouth on King's Ice Cream potong perasa pulut hitam/kacang merah right now. *Drool :P~*

Ikhlas Tidak Menafikan Hak

2011-06-11T09:52:00.002+08:00

Someone said to me "Kalau ikhlas, jgn la ungkit atau sebut apa yang dah kita bagi or bantu orang lain. Org ikhlas takkan mengharapkan balasan"

Yes, this is true but in a ceramah I watched on tv, the ustaz clearly stated that 'Ikhlas tidak menafikan hak'...sincerity doesn't deny what is rightful.

He gave an example, a mother. She really takes good care of her children with the sincerest of hearts. Though she was sincere and asks nothing in return, it is still her right to be respected, appreciated and loved. These are things which she deserves

Similarly, a father who provides, though it's his responsibility, if he performs his duties well and sincerely, he deserves the right to be treated with kindness, consideration, care and respect.

The same thing applies to other relationships be it family, friends, the community at large and also to God. God has given us so much...and though He requires nothing from us, it is His right to be obeyed and for us to show our gratitude by pleasing Him. At the end of the day, it is we who need Him.

So, never take things for granted. Those who are sincere does not expect anything in return, but they deserve to be rightfully treated and appreciated.

HS: I'll never be able to repay my parents for their sincerity in raising me...but I am doing my best to treat them to the best that I can and pray for their well being all the time. They are the love of my life...after God and the Prophet sallahu 'alaihiwasallam.
Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device via Vodafone-Celcom Mobile.

Men!!!

2011-06-10T15:45:00.000+08:00

Minah 1: I am trying to not ambil kisah. If I think too much about it, hati I yang sakit.
Minah 2: Betul, buat macam 'ada aku kesah' je. Dia boleh buat kat kita macam tu, buat tak tau, tak endah, tak ambik berat, so kita pun boleh buat macam tu jugak.
Minah 1: Tu la. Kita je sayang sangat kat dia, fikir nak jaga hati dia, tapi dia tak sayang kat kita, tak reti nak jaga hati kita.
Minah 2: Men memang macam tu in general. Asyik kita kena revolve around dia.
Minah 1: Tapi Seth Tan kata, kalau kita sayang seseorang, kita tak boleh rasa nak marah pada org tu.
Minah 2: Hmmpphhh!!! Tu drama, bukan reality. Hakikatnya kebanyakkan lelaki tak tau nak appreciate perasaan sayang. Masa diorang nak kan kita, sayang la...masa diorang kesunyian, sayangla, masa diorang kesusahan, sayangla, masa diorang perlukan kita, sayangla. Cuba masa dia dah senang, dia dgn kawan kawan, dia kerja hebat sikit, dia ada ramai org admire...hilangla sikit demi sikit sayang dia.
Minah 1: Bingo!
Minah 2: Masa tu, kalau kita mengadu atau complain sikit mintak perhatian, dia kata kita demand. Kita tengah sedih, susah hati, dia ignore and selalu kata masalah dia lagi banyak and lagi besar. Pada dia masalah kita remeh je.
Minah 1: Memang!!!
Minah 2: Bila kita kata dia dah tak macam dulu, dia kata kita berkira. Bila kita mintak dia berikan masa dia pada kita, dia kata dia perlukan masa untuk diri dia.
Minah 1: And dia selalu expect kita faham dan menerima diri dia tapi dia tak pernah nak faham dan menghargai diri kita.
Minah 2: Dia boleh selective dengan kita sampai kita rasa sangat sedih dan letih nak terus menyayangi dia. Penat, lelah :(
Minah 1: Dah la...I give up. Buat baik pun org tak appreciate, baik puaskan hati sendiri. Tak yah la baik baik sangat. Berpada je la. Simpan sikit sayang untuk diri kita.
Minah 2: Yup, kita buat baik dengan org yang buat baik dengan kita je la. Tak yah buang masa dengan orang yang mudah lupa. Melayu mudah lupa :P
Minah 1: I bukan makin muda, makin tua. Udah2 ler tu ;). Tak kuasa teman nak layan orang tua perangai tak matang
Minah 2: Nak tunggu tua bebenor, udah kutai baru nak matang. Apekeheiiinyeerrr!!!
Minah 1: Fikir marah dia, nampak masalah dia je. Tu la nya. Jangan la kita jadi macam tu. Ilmu banyak, tapi tak sentuh roh.
Minah 2: Betul3. Heii...MEN!!!

This is an excerpt of an actual conversation I had with someone very dear to me...she's practically like a sister to me. Yes, we were venting out our frustrations on men we know/knew well in our lives. Knew too well to understand them completely to make such comments. I am not saying that this is generalizable to all men, but I've heard too much of such stories to deduce that most, and sorry to say...especially Malay men are like this.

Yes, indeed...there are also many women out there who are far from angelic but I am not talking about them. I'm talking about the good ones. I know we women have our faults and shortcomings, but if we have done our best, been there through thick an thin, supportive in good times and bad, loving despite the odds, caring through sickness and in health, understanding in difficult and times of ease....what more do men want from us? We? We only want you to appreciate us and love us. That's all. Is that too much to ask?

Sigh.

HS: It's really tiring to be the only one who is always giving. Sometimes, we would love to be the ones receiving.

Sharing what I got from the talk organized by Viva Palestina

2011-06-08T09:38:00.000+08:00

I had the great opportunity of attending a talk on freedom for Palestine two nights ago. The talk was organized by Viva Palestina Malaysia, a coalition of NGOs which advocates for a just, equitable, prompt and sustainable resolution of the conflict in Palestine, leading to the creation of a free and independent state of Palestine. What made the talk more meaningful was the fact that the speakers were non-Muslims, one being a reverend, Rev Dr Stephen Sizer and the other speaker is an Indian academician, Prof Vanaik. What can I say. Both speakers delivered their respective contents with perfect fluency and the insights given on the whole Palestinian issue from it's historical background to the the current global crisis were truly enlightening especially for a newcomer like me.

It finally dawned on me and I have started to understand that the Palestinian issue is not a religious issue but a global and humanitarian issue. Not only Muslims, but a majority of the Christians living in Palestine are also feeling the pressure and are very much affected with everything that has happened. We are in need of changes and the most crucial change is to change the relationship of forces and go against the global leaders namely US and Israel. We need to our material interest so that we don't become to dependent on these two and give the Palestinians the purchasing power required for them to build their economy. Indeed, to successfully make a difference will take more than a few months...it will take years but everything has to start somewhere. We (mainly I) shouldn't be pessimistic. Boycotting, purchasing products made by Muslims/Palestinians, creating awareness etc...these are all efforts. Though small, it has the power to trigger change.

There was one thing that one of the speakers mentioned that kind of tore my heart and my eyes water. He said, an activist once asked the group of Palestinian children what they wanted to be when they grew up? A doctor, a teacher, a pilot etc... And more than half of the children answered, they wanted to be martyrs. Their will to resist and exist has formed their believe that they would be willing to die than to succumb to circumstances. It's just so sad. Their childhood has been robbed from them and until the situation changes for the better, these children will continue living with limited options and ambitions. We need to do something to change this. We need to give these children a chance at a better life :(

Another Week has Passed

2011-06-03T18:32:00.002+08:00

It has been a really busy week for me. With editing, paperwork, baking, lepakking...eh...hehehe...yes, I did a bit of that with an old friend and a bit more of it at night by watching Korean series... but all in all...it has been a busy week :).

I also had a lot of thoughts and ideas to post here but every time I start writing, something comes up or 'someone' falls asleep :P and the writings all end up as drafts. Hopefully I can get back to them over the weekend. Oh no, I just remembered, I have more editing to do this weekend and a moist chocolate cake to bake for my friend. Uh-oh!.. Hope I can get back to it next week then...I hope.

Anyways, although I may not be able to fully enjoy the weekend, here's wishing the world "Have a great weekend". Remember, "Take rest; a field that has rested gives a bountiful crop ~ Ovid". May next week be better than the weeks before :)

HS: Weekend blues...

A Poem: What I asked For & What God Gave Me

2011-05-27T01:12:00.000+08:00

I really like this poem. Read it many years back and every time I need some encouragement or motivation, I'll always Google it up and read it over and over again to myself. I'm not sure who wrote it, but for what it's worth, I think this is a really meaningful poem. Enjoy :).....

What I Asked For and What God Gave Me

I asked for strength,
And God gave me difficulties to make me strong;
I asked for wisdom,
And God gave me problems to solve;
I asked for prosperity,
And God gave me a brain and the strength to work;
I asked for courage,
And God gave me danger to overcome;
I asked for love,
And God gave me troubled people to help;
I asked for favors,
And God gave me opportunities.
I received nothing I wanted
I received everything I needed.
My prayer has been answered!

Anon

HS: You're all I need

The Truth May Not be Worth it

2011-05-26T18:39:00.002+08:00

The previous post was written yesterday before I fell asleep so I only got to post it today.

To be honest...I'm tired. Just too tired. This is not the first time I've been deceived and though each time it breaks my heart and the scar gets deeper, I realize now that I've got to stop looking for the truth but instead start looking for the 'hikmah'/silver lining behind it all.

I realize that no matter how difficult it is to see the silver lining sometimes, I'd rather spend my time looking for it because at least it ensures the outcome of something positive and a new lesson learnt. Nevertheless, if I went on a quest to seek the truth, I may end up getting hurt even worse and the pain may scar and affect me for life. In the end, knowing the truth may not be worth it after all. Hmmmm.....

So, Biarlah!!! Let God deal with these people. He knows best. I just want to find peace and comfort in my 'munajat' with Him. Only He knows and understands everything.

HS: Letih...

Is the Truth Really Out There?

2011-05-26T17:09:00.000+08:00

I discovered by chance 2 days ago, that someone I've known for almost 11 years may have lied and hidden his true identity from me all this while.

Of course, he denied everything when I confronted him and asked whether he was the same person, but it was just too coincidental that both men were born on the same month, same year, came from the same state, went to the same uni in the same state and country, got his Masters from the same uni, currently lives in the same township area, worked in the same place with the same position and most importantly, has a striking resemblance of each other to not think that they are not the same person.

I am trying to think positively and give him the benefit of the doubt but I can't help but wonder, if this exposition is true and all this while he has been lying to me... 'Why?'. Why me of all people? What's the motive behind it? What is there to be gained from such deceit? Was it all lies or is there any truth at all? Where and what is THE truth??? :(

HS: Is baffled, confused and sick of such nonsense.
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Another Old Post on Patience

2011-05-18T17:17:00.000+08:00

Here's another old post that helped lift my spirits up....

"Never think that God's delays are God's denials. Hold on, hold fast, hold out. Patience is genius - Comte de Buffon (1707-1788)

After 2000 tries, Thomas Edison finally got the light bulb to work as he wanted it too. Nevertheless, he never thought of the 2000 tries as failures, instead, he said he just found out 2000 ways not to make a lightbulb

"Wahai sekalian orang-orang yang beriman! Mintalah pertolongan (untuk menghadapi susah payah dalam menyempurnakan sesuatu perintah Tuhan) dengan bersabar dan dengan (mengerjakan) sembahyang; kerana sesungguhnya Allah menyertai (menolong) orang-orang yang sabar" (Surah Al-Baqarah, ayat 153)

Allahu akbar!!!...
Kadang kadang ada ketika kita diduga memang terasa berat. Tapi...bila kita tengok balik sekeliling kita...perhatikan dan hayati segala yang berlaku di sekeliling kita...mungkin kita kan sedar...bahawasanya...kita masih bertuah. Ada yang lebih malang dari kita...Ada yang diduga lebih berat dari kita

Memang...mencari sabar sangat susah...
memang...menempuh jalan sabar...amat payah...
Tapi....sabar itulah perisai utama segala kejahatan...
Sebab itu ianya amat berharga...lebih berharga dari intan berlian...

Aku mohon pada Allah...agar aku punya kesabaran itu...
Moga aku dikurniakan kesabaran itu...
Amiin... - written July 17th, 2006

A friend of mine also posted an interesting status on her FB today. She said "Selagi ada dugaan, itu tanda Allah sayang" and a friend of hers commented, "Kalau Allah tak duga, macam mana nak bagi pahala sabar dekat kita?"... Yes, how very true. "I Like" :)

Hanyasayang: Sabar itu sebahagian dari iman... Breathe long and deep, istighfar 100x, zikrullah as much as you can, solat and make du'a so that He will help you through the tough times. Ameen, InsyaAllah

An Old Post

2011-05-18T15:59:00.001+08:00

I was rummaging through my old blog for some old postings and I found this 8 years old post that I wrote about a month after my arwah bf passed away in August 2003. I also found the posting which contained an excerpt of the dialog he and I had before the operation and his passing away. Anyway, I'm not going to repost the dialog, I'll just repost the other post. I wish I am as strong now as I was then but I guess age and experience has gotten the best of me. Anyway, I hope by reposting this I will get some of that old spirit back and encourage me to rejoin religious classes like I used to. Ameen.

"Bismillahirrahmanirrahim

Dengan nama Allah yang Maha Pemurah Lagi Maha Mengasihani. AKu mulakan bicara hari ini dengan memanjatkan segala puji dan syukur yang selayaknya kepada Allah SWT di atas segala nikmat yang telah diberikanNYA dan masih lagi dinikmati oleh sekalian hambaNYA

Izinkan aku berbicara straight to the point. Sesungguhnya hidup ini adalah satu dugaan. Aku tak kata bala...aku tak kata derita dan aku tak kata sakit itu satu dugaan...tapi HIDUP secara keseluruhannya adalah satu dugaan. Kita sekarang berada dipentas dunia dan kita sedang melakonkan watak yang telah pun ditetapkan oleh Allah kepada kita. Setiap nafas,setiap langkah, malah setiap bisikan hati diperhatikan Allah dan tidak sedikit pun yang terlepas dari pandanganNYA. Kita kan dinilai berdasarkan penilaian Allah ini. Kita akan dibalas berdasarkan penilaian Allah ini dan ketahuilah bahawa penilaian Allah adalah penilaian yang paling adil.

Bagi seseorang yang tidak merasa bertanggungjawab terhadap usianya...tidak merasa bertanggunjawab terhadap hidupnya, maka mereka ini akan merasa seronok dapat kekal lama di dunia. Pada mereka, dunia adalah nikmat dan nikmat dunialah yang mereka kejar.

Namun begitu, pada mereka yang merasa bertanggungjawab terhadap kehidupan mereka...bertanggungjawab terhadap diri mereka serta amanah yang dipikul mereka...nescaya orang-orang begini lebih senang jika hidupnya di dunia ini pendek kerana mereka tahu hakikat bahawa hidup ini adalah satu ujian. Lagi lama mereka di dunia..lagi lama mereka diuji dan lagi banyak peluang untuk mereka tersilap langkah dan membuat dosa.

Sesungguhnya dalam hidup, bala atau kesakitan itu adalah dugaan, tetapi ingat bahawa kesenangan juga adalah dugaan. Allah berfirman dalam surah Al-Anfaal ayat 28 yang bermaksud, "Dan ketahuilah bahawa harta benda kamu dan anak-anak kamu itu hanyalah menjadi ujian dan sesungguhnya di sisi Allah jualah pahala yang besar".

Hidup ini adalah medan dugaan buat manusia. Berjaya atau tidak bergantung pada jalan mana yang kita mahu pilih. Jadi berhati-hatilah memilih jalan. Penilaian kebaikan pada mata manusia dan Allah adalah berbeza. Baik pada kita tidak semestinya yang terbaik buat kita disisi Allah...dan sebaliknya juga. Kita berdoa setiap hari, Wahai Tuhanku, kurniakanlah aku kebaikan dunia dan kebaikan akhirat dan jauhkanlah aku dari azab neraka...tetapi ingatlah dan telitilah hakikat bahawa hasanah (kebaikan) yang kita pinta dari Allah, adalah berdasarkan hasanah pada tafsiran Allah. Mungkin sakit itu baik untuk kita...jadi Allah kurniakan kita sakit...bukan kerana Allah zalim, nauzubillah...tetapi ianya adalah kerana Allah amat sayangkan kita....Dia sedang memberi yang terbaik untuk kita. Hanya bila kita lapangkan dada kita pada ketentuan Allah, barulah rasa redho itu akan hinggap dalam hati dan hanya bila kita buka mata hati kita pada kasih sayang Allah, barulah kita akan nampak hikmah disebalik setiap ketentuanNya.

Ingatlah bahawa hanya Allah sahaja yang dapat menyelesaikan masalah. Seperti dalam hadis Rasulullah SAW, yang bermaksud, "Dari Abu Abbas, Abdullah bin Abbas r.a : " Bahawa pada suatu hari saya sedang berada di belakang Rasulullah SAW (di atas binatang tunggangannya), lalu sabda baginda : ' Wahai anak kecil, sesungguhnya aku telah mengajar kamu beberapa perkataan. Peliharalah (perintah) Allah, nescaya Dia akan memelihara kamu, peliharalah (kehormatan) Allah, nescaya engkau akan merasakan Dia berada bersama-samamu. Jika engkau memohon, pohonlah kepada Allah semata-mata. Jika engkau meminta pertolongan mintalah kepada Allah semata-mata. Ketahuilah bahawa jika semua umat manusia berkumpul untuk memberikan kepadamu sesuatu menafaat, nescaya mereka tidak akan mampu memberi menafaat itu, melainkan dengan sesuatu yang telah ditaqdirkan oleh Allah. Begitu juga sekiranya mereka berkumpul untuk menentukan suatu mudharat untuk kamu, nescaya mereka tidak akan mampu menentukannya, melainkan dengan suatu yang telah ditentukan Allah ke atas kamu. Telah diangkat kalam (tulisan) dan telah kering (tinta) buku catitan."

Apa yang aku tulis di atas ialah sebahagian dari apa yang aku belajar dalam kelas Ulum Quran petang tadi. Aku saja nak kongsi ngan sesiapa yang baca blog aku. Tadi lepas solat Asar, aku dan kawan aku yang sama join kelas, Kak Kathy, menangis dalam pelukan masing masing. Kami dah dapat 'suntikan' yang kami sama sama cari dan amat perlukan hari ni. Kami harap, kami akan sembuh dari 'penyakit' kami. Dan kami yakin sesungguhnya Allah itu Tuhan Yang Maha Pengasih dan Dia sesungguhnya kasihkan kami. Hari ini, aku terasa, buat pertama kali sejak beberapa bulan yang lalu aku dapat semula kewarasan akal fikiran aku secara total. Sesungguhnya aku amat bersyukur. Segala puji hanya bagi Allah yang Maha Esa." - written Sept 27, 2003

Sabar Dalam Islam

2011-05-16T20:51:00.000+08:00

I was reading this article in Majalah Solusi which talked about practical steps in promoting patience (sabar) and it somehow opened my eye and made me realize the true concept and a bigger picture of sabar in Islam. I'm sharing it below

"Konsep kesabaran dlm Islam bukanlah berdian diri dan hanya berpangku tangan atau menongkat dagu. Kesabaran perlu diiringi dgn kebijaksanaan.

Sabar dlm Islam bersifat proaktif, dinamik dan produktif. Kesabaran Baginda san para sahabat pada peringkat awal Islam di Makkah misalnya, diiringi dgn langkah strategik utk berhijrah, disusuli keberanian dlm perang Badar, Uhud dan Khandak, kebijaksanaan dlm perjanjian Hudaibiyah serta rencana kemenangan total sewaktu pembebasan semula kota Makkah.

Kesabaran seorg Muslim bukan utk dieksploitasi dan dimanipulasi. Kita mesti belajar mengambil iktibar drpd satu musibah kerana sifat org beriman tidak akan terjerumus ke dlm lubang yg sama dua kali.

Org yg sabar itu sentiasa mencari apa punca sesuatu musibah itu berlaku, merangka alternatif-alternatif yg boleh menyelesaikannya, memilih satu alternatif yg terbaik dan terus bertindak melaksanakannya. (Solusi isu #31, pg 19)"

So in conclusion, sabar is not just berserah dan redha semata-mata. Yes, those are initial reactions required by Islam, but after that we are required to pick ourselves up, gather our strengths and will power, sharpen our wits and plan for the next course of action and get out of any musibah or depression.

SubhanAllah...how beautiful and perfect Islam is :).

HS: Thank you, Allah for the reminder :). I Love You <3
Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device via Vodafone-Celcom Mobile.

Decisions

2011-05-16T17:58:00.000+08:00

Some decisions are easy to make whilst some are hard. Then there are those even more difficult to make but often, the hardest decisions are the ones that needs to be made the most.

I have never been good at making decisions. I have always let things find its own course. But now I am faced with important and difficult decisions that needs attention and to be honest, I am not sure I have what it takes to make the call.

May He be my Guide, my Light, my Saviour, ameen.

HS: Hates the part when it hurts

Return to Wisdom

2011-05-07T00:23:00.000+08:00

It is so easy to lose sight of the right thing to do when you are clouded with emotions and confusing advices.

That is the biggest and one of the most valuable lessons I learnt today

Earlier, I was told by someone i needed to do so & so thing and I was also told that I should do something I have always doubted to be in line with Islamic teachings. Although I was tempted but my doubts over took temptation and I managed to avoid from committing to doing any of it.

I came back home feeling distraught and confused and I turned to the one place I know I will get my answers and comfort from which is to Allah. And true enough...He has never failed his servants and i got my answers from Surah Yaasin.

I will not go into the details of what really happened because it involves several people but the one thing that I want to stress on is that, whenever one is faced with uncertainty, doubt, insecurity and heartache, the only way to go in order to ease the burden is to Allah. You can listen to other people's advice but remember to always take them with a pinch of salt. Make it a point to return to Allah and ask for His wisdom and guidance. InsyaAllah, as long as we hold fast to our faith in Him, there is no room for things to go wrong and most importantly, no way for us to go astray. The road guided by Him, will always lead back to Him and coming back to Him always means walking the path headed to eternal bliss.

Drowning Glug...glug...glug

2011-05-06T11:30:00.001+08:00

Haisshhhh!!! Who am I fooling???

These past few days I've been trying my best to drown myself in positivity, forward thinking and optimism but so far I don't think I've succeeded even the slightest bit. How do I know? Well, if breaking down in tears in front of someone I hardly know who just happened to show concern justifies as a failure, then I have nothing more to say.

I remember a lecturer of mine saying, "Optimism and positivity is good, but too much of it can be sickening" and I think, at the moment, I am sick to the stomach with my own delusional optimism.

At this moment, all I want to do is wallow in my sorrow, self-pity, pain, despair, and anger and I refuse to listen to positive talk, engage in Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT), or force self-talk onto myself.

What I truly need is pure sincere caring...just like I have given to many others...I need some of it back :'(. Why isn't there anyone who's willing to give some loving back?....I'm drowning in Fibromyalgia here (a bit exaggerated but still...) :(...huhuhu... Help!!! :'(

Good enough

2011-05-05T18:52:00.000+08:00

Another post for today...(we're on a roll aren't we :D)

I won't call this much of a post or an entry but more of a passing thought.

Have you ever realized that, no matter how good your qualities are to one person, someone will almost always feel that you are not good enough for them?

Yes, this is a fact of life and I came to realize this as I 'muhasabah' diri these past few days.

Well...Nobody is perfect...everyone has their own strengths and weaknesses...but I do believe that everyone deserves to be happy and contented with what they have in life or has been bestowed upon them, don't you think so?

So, although it may hurt very much to know that despite all the good in you, you may still be not good enough for someone, it helps to know that there are others who appreciate and care for you just the way you are. Anyway, you can't win them all, can you? Ces't la vie...

Significance on demand

2011-05-05T16:12:00.000+08:00

Oh dear, I've been back logged in work and other pressing duties that I've neglected updating this blog yet again. So, what's new eh? :)

Anyway, during my absence, I had the chance to engage in some interesting observations of my own and discovered something really...hmmm...i'll refer to it as mind-boggling about human behaviour. It made me realize that no matter how insignificant you are to a group of people, this group of people will suddenly pay a tremendous amount of attention to who you are just because you are significant to another person whom this other group doesn't see eye to eye with. Confused? Well, here's a short recap of the incidents that brought about to this so called discovery of mine.

Recently I went for an interview for the young lecturer's scheme (YLS) in the university that I'm studying in. My supervisor has always been my biggest supporter and is constantly pushing me to reach greater heights and one of her efforts to help me was by encouraging me to become a lecturer in her department with her recommendation. So far she has gone all out to help me and for all her efforts, I am truly grateful and indebted. Nevertheless, just to clarify things, her support and recommendations does not in any way insinuate that I am incapable of getting in on my own. So far, alhamdulillah, I have the highest CGPA compared to my other batchmates and I've had numerous research experience to complement my academic qualifications. Hence, I do qualify for the position and her recommendations is mainly under the basis that I can work and contribute something to the faculty.

So, what's stopping me? Well, my supervisor has always been known as someone rather vocal and frank in her opinions and views. So that coupled with her knowledge and experience in the education field, her comments re the administrative procedures, office politics, assessment system etc has never been well accepted and often taken as a challenge by those with authority. Plus, being a non bumi in a majority bumi arena doesn't quite give her an upperhand in the situation. So as a result, by being her supervisee and her favoured candidate for the YLS, I suddenly became a topic of discussion and since has had to endure scrutiny and scepticism from the faculty members despite my qualifications (Trust me, if I had been one of 'their' cronies, I probably would've breeze through the selection process).

So, from insignificance I've become the target of a group of faculty members who suddenly see me as a threat and a crony to my supervisor. It's disheartening enough to know that some of the lecturers who have taught me have also decided to give me a hard time despite knowing and having commended my work and personality before, but the most ridiculous thing is...some of those who are in the group, has never even taught me, knew me personally or interacted with me to begin with. What is even funnier is that... I am not even a staff member yet so, how can I be a threat? Sheeshh!!! Go figure!!

Anyway...despite all this, I try to find comfort in knowing that they are not in control of my destiny and only Allah has the right and power to grant, hold or take anything away from me. So what ever it is, I hope and pray only to Him and this little observation on human behaviour of mine has truly opened my eyes that although one may be highly educated, it doesn't necessarily mean that one has fully learned. It has also shown that, no or little EQ diminishes the value of a high IQ because studies have shown that a failure to manage ones own EQ will lead to a failure at making healthy choices in all aspects of life. Nuff said!

Matters of the Heart

2011-03-18T18:09:00.003+08:00

One of the most difficult things to manage, handle, control, deal with etc etc...is matters of the heart. In, soon to be 33 years of my life, this is a skill I have not yet mastered.

It's true, when you love someone, your heart does crazy things to you where your mind has little or no ability of controlling. When emotions run high, logic makes no sense. When the heart takes over, the mind loses its powers. Call it mutiny, defiance or even a revolution, any way you see it, it all boils down to a hostile take over by the heart against the mind. Checkmate!! No escape!!!

I'm starting to believe something I heard someone say some time ago which made me come to this conclusion... "Cinta tu ibarat batuk, walau di tahan macam mana pun, pasti akan terlepas dan diketahui orang juga. Yang rumitnya, bila ter'batuk' atau sengaja 'batuk', ada kemungkinan yang mendengar batuk tu akan lari jauh-jauh sebab takut berjangkit. Tapi kadang kadang, ada jugak yang mendengar batuk tu offer ubat batuk untuk legakan batuk...and if the latter is the case....untungla badan org yang ter'batuk' atau sengaja 'batuk' tu....

Otherwise...terpaksala beli ubat batuk sendiri. Nak buat cemana?? Sabar je la :D

Either way, whether ter'batuk' or sengaja batuk, you are not at the losing end. You either get an ubat batuk, or get to buy your own ubat batuk. The end result is still the same...your batuk will be cured. So, be positive... think - nothing ventured, nothing gained... you win some, you lose some... what's meant to be, is meant to be... and my favourite from The Sound of Music.... When God closes a door, somewhere He opens a window... :D

HS: Terbatuk jugak kadang2, tapi belum pernah dapat ubat batuk yang betul2 mujarab :D hehehe

Something from Imam Hasan Al-Basri

2011-03-08T17:28:00.000+08:00

Kunci Zuhud

Aku tahu , rezekiku tak mungkin diambil orang lain
Karenanya, hatiku tenang

Aku tahu,amal-amalku tak mungkin dilakukan orang lain
Maka aku sibukkan diriku untuk beramal

Aku tahu, Allah selalu melihatku
Karenanya, aku malu bila Allah mendapatiku melakukan maksiat

Aku tahu, kematian menantiku
Maka aku persiapkan bekal untuk berjumpa dengan Rabbku.

HS: Beautiful...

It will not escape you...

2011-03-08T16:36:00.000+08:00

Pagi tadi HS ada peluang utk dengar ceramah di tv sebelum pergi post grad workstation tapi HS seriously tak berapa ingat tajuk besar ceramah tu (signs of old age :P).

Anyway, apa yang menarik perhatian HS is the content of the ceramah. Ustaz ni bercerita tentang kisa Imam Hasan Al Basri. Antara ilmu yang diajar Imam Hasan pada anak muridnya adalah ilmu tasawuf yang mana mementingkan nilai zuhud iaitu tidak mengambil secara melampau bahagian dari dunia ataupun mengambil hanya berdasarkan keperluan.

Al-kisah satu hari, Imam Hasan telah datang ke madrasah untuk mengajar anak muridnya dengan memakai jubah mewah yang bernilai 400 dirham (equivalent to RM40K). The robe was a gift from his student. Ketika sedang mengajar, anak-anak murid Imam Hasan bertanyakan kepada beliau mengapa beliau memakai pakaian yang sangat mewah sedangkan ianya bercanggah dengan apa yang di ajarnya iaitu zuhud. Lalu Imam Hasan menjawab bahawa ianya adalah pemberian dari anak muridnya.

Ketika itu, datanglah seorang fakir miskin yang dilihat berada dalam keadaan yang lapar dan tidak terurus bertemu dengan Imam Hasan. Lantas fakir itu terus berkata bahawa dia terlalu miskin dan sudah beberapa hari tidak makan. Fakir itu meminta Imam Hasan supaya memberikan sedikit hartanya untuk digunakan oleh fakir itu bagi membeli makanan.

Tanpa berlengah Imam Hasan terus memberikan jubahnya dan menyuruh lelaki itu menjualnya di pasar dan wangnya digunakan untuk mengurus dirinya. Lalu dengan sukacita, lelaki fakir itu terus kepasar sambil membayangkan wang yang akan diperolehinya. Namun begitu, lepas menunggu dari pagi hingga ke petang, masih tiada siapa lagi yang sanggup membeli jubah itu kerana harganya yang terlalu mahal.

Tak lama kemudian, muncul seorang pemuda di pasar tersebut dan dengan segera pemuda itu mendekati lelaki fakir itu tadi. Kebetulan pemuda itu seakan kenal jubah yang dipegang lelaki fakir itu dan terus betanya kepadanya. "Bukankah itu jubah Imam Hasan? Bagaimana kamu memperolehinya?" Lelaki fakir itu menceritakan apa yang telah berlaku jadi fahamlah pemuda itu akan keadaan sebenar. Sebenarnya pemuda itulah anak murid Imam Hasan yang telah memberikan beliau baju tersebut.

Keesokkan harinya, seperti biasa Imam Hasan menghadiri kuliah namun alangkah terkejutnya anak-anak murid beliau kerana beliau masih lagi memakai jubah mewah yang telah diberikannya semalam kepada fakir miskin itu. Mereka segera bertanya kepada Imam Hassan bagaimana perkara itu berlaku? Dengan tenang Imam Hasan menerangkan bahawa pemuda yang telah membeli jubah ini dari lelaki fakir itu merupakan anak muridnya yang pada asalnya telah memberikan beliau jubah itu. Jadi setelah pemuda itu membelinya semula dari lelaki fakir itu semalam, pemuda itu memulangkan semula jubah itu kepada Imam Hasan.

Kemudian Imam Hasan berkata kepada anak muridnya bahawa jika sesuatu rezeki itu telah ditetapkan bagi seseorang oleh Allah, rezeki itu pasti tidak akan terlepas darinya.

Tu dia!!!!...The wise words of Imam Hasan Al-Basri.

Reality check, we are often far too concerned over the uncertainties in life to a point that we worry ourselves sick or cry over it (I admit to doing that). And sometimes we (I) get to a point of groveling to God due to the intense emotion of wanting something so badly without even the slightest consideration that maybe what we want is not really what is best for us. Yes, praying and hoping for what we want is not wrong...in fact it is commanded from us, but having heard the recount on what Imam Hasan said, I believe I need to add to the praying and hoping a little clause that says, "Heart be still for what is meant for you will not escape you nor will you escape it and what is not meant for you simply means it wasn't what's best for you at that moment"

HS: Hopes that what Allah wants for her is what she wants for herself too. Ameen.

Expectations

2011-03-01T10:33:00.000+08:00

"Never expect anything, but always expect the unexpected"
This was the first lesson life taught me. Throughout my life, many times have I been repeatedly taught this lesson and each time I’ve always been grateful…or at least, convinced myself that I was grateful, that things turned out the way it had even if it was not as what I had expected

Why?

Simple. Just because the life we have, the soul that inhibits our body, the air that we breathe, the sun that shines before and after the rain, the nights we spent cuddled up resting in sleep and the everyday things that we often take for granted….we owe to non other than the creator of creations, the greater power that governs everything in the universe, most compassionate, most merciful… God Al-Mighty.

EVERYTHING BELONGS to Him and ONLY to Him shall we RETURN

Therefore, even though we may believe that we know what is best for ourselves and what makes us happy, it is actually more important for us to make the best of what we have and understand that happiness is not found but is created through hardship, sacrifices, loving care and patience. I also do believe that at the end of the day, our task is to try and give our best, pray and have faith and lastly, be strong through all the tests. After that, leave the rest to Him and rest assured that He will give us the best, as only He knows what's best :).

HS: We seldom can change what or who comes into our lives, but we can surely adapt our selves and perceptions on how to deal with it.

Oh my! Been that long....

2009-08-08T01:25:00.002+08:00

It really has been a year and 8 months since I posted an entry here. Mak aih!!! Lama gila!!! Hehehe.

It's been really difficult for me to be committed to blogging. First it was the work load, then the lack of ideas or things to say, then some personal issues, next it was the career issues, there was also Facebook and now studying and assignments + readings. Gosh! It has been quite overwhelming.

Still....I miss blogging. Miss being able to just say what I feel like saying. In FB notes, I have refrain myself and filter my writings coz there are all those people who knows you up close and personal around hehehe. So...you know how it is, don't you ;)

Well, here i am again. Hopefully this time around I wont just be 'hangat hangat tahi ayam'. Hehehe :P. We'll see :)

Been a While

2008-01-24T22:07:00.000+08:00

To be honest, I don't really have much to say since my mind is a bit stressed up and I'm trying to reorganize my thoughts but still, I just feel like posting one of my old poems here. I found a whole stack, some published in my old blog and some unfinished and lack inspiration hehehe. This one...was written a few years back. I think I was having relationship problems at that time...I think. Anyway, I edited it just now and thought, What the heck!...might as well publish it here. So here goes.... n by the way...it has no title though.

Dia yang dulu hanya bayangan
Kini muncul dalam nyata
Aku yang dulu hanya berangan-angan
Kini makin dihimpit rasa
Antara mahu dan malu
Ada satu sempadan penentu
Antara bahagia dan kecewa
Cuma jarak sejengkal beza
Antara sendiri dan berdua
Pada dia segala jawapannya
Namun antara gagal dan kejayaan
Cuma ada satu keputusan
Biar baik jawapan
Atau hampa kesudahan
Aku lebih rela gagal dalam usaha
Dari kehilangannya tanpa mencuba

Khamis, 24 Januari 2008. 9.49 malam

HanyaSayang: Lama tak menulis puisi...rasa janggal...tapi tetap menjanjikan kepuasan :)

Everything is preordained

2007-11-09T15:21:00.000+08:00

I was feeling mixed up just now...
Tired, sad, happy, frustrated and all sorts...
I think it had something to do with women's problems too...PMS la, apa lagi
Anyway...after school...got in my car, darn it! found out that my USB walkman's batts had run out... then drove like a race car driver, as usual... weaved through the winding old road and 5 minutes later, just the time the first tear was about to roll down my cheeks, the IKIM DJ announced that she'll be playing a nasheed which had always managed to calm my weary heart, 'Ubat Hati' by an Indonesian singer, Opick.

Yes...you can imagine that my tears flowed even more but somehow the reason for me crying had changed from emotional stress to a sense of peace and gratefulness knowing that everything in life is preordained by the Almighty.

Why?...Imagine this. Allah had known that I'd be in a sour mood today...I prayed for it to go away. Prayed over and over again. Prayed for Him to make me feel alright and make the sadness go away. Then He answered my prayer. No, not in the way that I wanted but He made the DJ play my favourite song, a song with the message on how to cure you heart of all negative things which is what I really need and He did this, making it all look like a coincidence but I think I know better where it is infact...something that He had preordained for me far earlier for me His humble servant. Dearest God Almighty, not only gave me problems to make me stronger...but he also gave me what I needed to make me better.

Nothing in this life...nor this world...just happened to be. Everything happens for a reason. Everything happens with a lesson to learn. Everything happens with a blessing. But the blessing comes, only for those who truly believe in Him and are patient enough to endure the hardships and depend only on Him as the guide and saviour, Insya Allah

Hanyasayang: I have been blessed...

Old Friends Week

2007-10-30T00:13:00.000+08:00

Scene 1: Friday, an SMS conversation from Malaysia to Jakarta

Me: A'kum Minah. Just wndring, do u or ur hubby know a fella by d name H****n working in N*k*a there?
Minah: Is he H*****l's brother?
Me: Dunno, maybe, but he's my ol' fren frm h/school in Taiping. He has a slightly dark complexion but a nice guy
Minah: Then it must be him. Yes,know him well. Staying wt his bro. Am quite close to his sis in law
Me: Haha, surprise surprise
Minah: It's a small world eh. Anwy, u guys can meet here when u come over during d hols

Scene 2: Saturday, at an RnR in Bukit Gantang, near a booth where my dad and a chinese couple was sitting

Me: Ayah, jom.
Ayah: OK
Me: Errr...i know u, from ACS rite?
Guy: Errr ..ya...I think I know u too? What's ur name...errr...H something rite?
Me: My name's N**a**h.
Guy: Ya, ya...I know now.
Me: What's ur name ah? Forgot la...
Guy: C*** W** L*** la....
Me: Aiyah....i know now. In form 1 u used to sit in front of me in class. Aisey, how r u? Ur wife a?
Guy: I'm fine...No lah... not yet... :)
Me: Ohhh...pak toh la :)...
Guy: Haha...pak toh ley. So where r u staying now? Where r u working?....

* The conversation continued bla bla bla. I'll spare u the boring details :D*

My point is...God has pleanty of surprising ways of connecting/reconnecting people/friends together after what seem like ages to some of us. The first friend I talked about, I have not met in 12 years and the second one, I have not met in almost 14 years. Can you imagine what a wonderful surprise it was to meet ur good old friends and to find out that some of 'em still looks the same as the last time you saw them. Hehehe...definately a surprise for which I am grateful to Allah for.

Hanyasayang: Cherish the good friendships u had before for it is also what made u who u are today.

Waiting...

2007-10-27T01:19:00.000+08:00

Sometimes I just feel so tired of waiting...
It's the not knowing part that I hate most...
No wonder "Patience is a virtue"...

Hanyasayang: Sabaq...sabaq...

Back on air...

2007-10-22T23:22:00.000+08:00

I'm back online...

Throughout Ramadhan, I didn’t really have the time and opportunity to update this blog. Most of the time I had seemed to be occupied with something or I was too tired to think of what to write (that happens sometimes when you’re hungry and lethargic hehehe).

I've always believed that to write, the main topic should come from the heart and not so much the mind. The contents should come from both, the mind and the heart because if you write without thinking, you might end up sounding silly and shallow and if you write without heart, you might end up sounding arrogant and inconsiderate.

I choose to write because I love writing…but I only write, when I feel like it hehehe. That’s why…my blog is like the Chipsmore Cookies ad… now you see it, now you don’t…but in my case, now there’s news, then there’s nothing hehehe…

Oppsss…now there she goes….

PS: Will continue later…something came up…

Jadi Tua...

2007-09-17T20:51:00.000+08:00

'Lagi tua, lagi sensitif. Usah di marah-marah, nanti merajuk lagi susah.'

'Jangan tambah dosa. Bagi dia lesen besar untuk buat apa yang dia nak atau perlu buat. Sabor aja.'

Inilah antara ayat-ayat yang selalu mak ayah HS katakan bila ditanya atau diceritakan pasal macam mana nak melayan orang tua.

Kalau tanya HS, automatik HS kata 'Memang betul'. Lagi tua kita, memang kita jadi lagi sensitif. Walau macam mana kita nak elak pun, kita memang tak dapat lari dari jadi terguris dengan perkataan kasar atau tingkah laku kurang sopan dari orang-orang yang dekat dengan kita. Ada ketikanya...yang lagi menyedihkan adalah jika yang mengeluarkan kata kesat atau melakukan perlakuan itu, adalah orang yang sangat kita sayang seperti, anak kita.

Memang ada ketikanya tingkah laku orang yang semakin tua akan jadi agak keterlaluan dan kebudak-budakkan. Malah ada ketika, lebih dari itu pun ada. Tak dinafikan, kadang kadang kita hilang sabar bila berdepan dengan situasi ini namun sebagai anak kita kena faham bahawa, apa yang mereka lalui adalah suatu proses normal yang walau tak semua, tapi sebahagian besar manusia melalui....termasuklah juga kita suatu hari nanti...mungkin.

Sebagai anak jugak, kita kena selalu ingatkan diri bahawa taat dan bersabar terhadap orang tua, ibu dan ayah terutamanya, adalah kunci kepada kebahagiaan kita di dunia dan akhirat. Cuba fikirkan, tanpa sabar mereka...macam manalah kita, tanpa belaian dan ihsan mereka...tak kenal lah kita erti kasih sayang, tanpa pengorbanan mereka...mungkin kita juga telah lama terkorban. Sesungguhnya tanpa redho ibu ayah...hidup ini takkan benar benar bahagia.

Oleh itu, bila mula terasa penat atau jemu melayan kerenah ibu atau ayah, ingatlah semula ibu ayah yang tak pernah kenal erti penat atau jemu melayan kerenah kita selama ini. Ingatlah juga bahawa suatu hari kelak, kita juga akan jadi ibu dan ayah pada anak-anak kita. Jadi tanyalah diri kita...macam mana kita nak mereka layan kita bila kita sudah menjangkau usia tua? Jangan lupa...Allah itu Maha Adil perhitunganNya...What You Give, You Get Back...

Apapun, sayangilah ibu bapa dan hormatilah orang tua. Hakikatnya...bahawa tiada mereka...tak adalah kita.

Hanyasayang : Ayah, Mak...I Love You

Home Again

2007-09-14T09:58:00.001+08:00

Came back from Pangkor on Wednesday. Arrived home around 3.00pm. Haha, as usual, my dad asked me how fast I was driving...or speeding actually :P. Anyway, alhamdulillah, the course was over and it was not that bad. Furthermore, I got to meet up with Kak Ros and the funny thing is, I went to Golden Beach Hotel in the evening hoping to surprise her, instead I was surprised to know that she had gone off to Ipoh and will only be back later that evening. Kuang kuang kuang...padan muka lah...nak kejutkan orang, diri sendiri yang terkejut :). We still met up later at around 10pm and had a good chat till about 1.00am. Thanx kak for the Teh Tarik :)

Anyway, today is already the second day or Ramadhan and alhamdulillah, the first day went on smoothly eventhough a bit tiring since for the past three days in Pangkor...it was all makan, makan and makan...6 kali makan :). I am quite looking forward towards this Ramadhan although it has me feeling a bit melancholic and mellow when I look back at the things that I have not done or failed to do. Nevertheless, I am so grateful that God has granted me the opportunity to meet and experience Ramadhan again for this is the month of blessings and forgiveness and I pray that Allah will forgive me for my past and future sins and I pray that He'll make me a better person throughout and after this Ramadhan, amiin.

Happy Ramadhan everyone and may Allah gives us strength to make the best of this Holy month...amiin

Hanyasayang: I don't want much, but I want so badly to be loved by You oh Al-Mighty

3 days before...

2007-09-09T23:54:00.000+08:00

3 days before the fasting month and I have to go to Pangkor for a course. Initially I was supposed to go for another course where I didn't have to stay overnight...but a last minute call and some changes, throws me to Pangkor instead. There should be a blessing in disguise I suppose :)

I'll be there for 3 days starting from tomorrow until the 12th. The 13th, is already Puasa, InsyaAllah. Anyway...hope the course won't be such a bore or too much trouble. One thing for sure though...once there, I'll definately give a surprise visit to Kak Rosram, InsyaAllah. Hope she's around or else, the surprise would be on me then, wouldn't it? hehehe

Hanyasayang: Hope to catch the sunset at the beach...

Life's Journey

2007-09-05T21:37:00.000+08:00

My mother left our (hers, my father's and mine) passports on the sofa yesterday. Having come back from a family trip to Beijing last school break, the reason was probably for my father's safe keeping. The whole family knows that he's the most organized among us.

I flipped through the first 2 pages and I find myself smiling looking at the two stamps imprinted there, one green in colour and the other a red one. I've been blessed these past two years for being given the opportunity to travel abroad with my parents where in fact, before this, I never even imagine myself of having my own passport hehehe :). Pe-ghak sungguh!! kata orang Perak.

Looking back at life these past 29 years, I realized that a lot of things that happened in my life are not as I planned them...just like I never imagined having a passport or travelling abroad (ya la...dulu ada banyak hutang hehehe) ..but nevertheless, despite some setbacks that I had in life, it has also given me a lot of wonderful and memorable surprises.

I am grateful to Allah for everything and now, as I am facing maybe another setback in life, I have to look back at all the good things that life has given me, to keep me strong, to encourage me to move on and to remind me that no matter how tough sometimes things are, there is always a silver lining to look forward to, a light at the end of the tunnel and who knows, with Allah's grace, if I fight for what I want and stand firm with what I believe in, Insya Allah, I will have what I wish for...or at least know that I did not go down without a fight. :)...Insya Allah

Anything is possible....I think :)

Hanyasayang : Wa qala rabb buqumud 'unii astajibb lakum

A Post...for my blog's new home

2007-09-04T21:49:00.000+08:00

Salam and Ahlan wa Sahlan (welcome) to my new blog. I suppose this should be my blog's new home sweet home. I finally decided to blog again and after 'searching' so long (almost 1 and a half year) (sounds more like plain laziness to me hehe) :P, I said to myself, this is the best free blog around. :)

Dah lama sebenarnya tak menulis di mana-mana. Yeah, like I said...plain laziness and also...bila dah lama tinggal, susah nak mula dan payah nak konsisten. Apapun...harapnya kali ni dapat maintain at least longer than the 'hangat-hangat taik ayam' blogs that I've registered elsewhere throughout cyberspace. Hehehe...menyepahkan nama dekat blog provider yang lain.

It's been so long, so...Ada banyak perkara yang nak diceritakan...Pengalaman yang nak dikongsi...dan persahabatan yang harus diteruskan...cuma buat masa ni, biarlah semuanya berjalan langkah demi langkah. Takut nak cepat, nanti tersungkur...Takutkan lambat, nanti malas.

Jadi post pertama ini, cukuplah sekadar notis perpindahan HS ke rumah baru...dan kelak...bila dah betul betul settle down...it's back to business as usual...errr... I hope :P hehehe

Hanyasayang : Taking it easy this time...